Saturday, May 16, 2009

That Weird Feeling to Create

I've been crafting, sewing, making things whatever you want to call it... and I get this weird feeling in my stomach until I finish the project! Weird like- nerves or butterflies? It's something I don't like but then again I also feel like I'm in an adrenal rush when I'm creating. I get tunnel vision and all I can think about is the next step, envisioning the finished product and then how I will photograph, title and price it. It's a whirl of activity in my mind and then when I finish. I finish.
I pack up my materials (by the way- I've been feeling real sad that I don't have a studio/work space to create in... I'm trying to get past that) like I said, I pack up my materials and throw away scraps- then that's it. I'm done. Until another wild idea comes that I have to follow!

Friday, May 1, 2009

reflects of my husband's lay off

Usually my son is an amazing sleeper... not tonight. He got up twice with a dirty and a bad diaper rash- which required screaming at the top of his lungs. To say the least- I've been trying to get back to sleep for an hour now.
I etsied, face-booked, caught up on blogs and now have a moment to add to my own.

My husband was laid off of work in February. It's May- he's still at home looking for a job and so close to landing this amazing job at a creative firm- the best part: it's a job he gets excited about. But even with the anticipation of a job so close- I do get nervous. I was laying in bed tonight thinking how we should both start donating plasma and other crazy things.  I want to & do trust the Lord that he is in control. It's scary at times. I want life to get in a groove again- I don't want to feel guilty for buying something or shopping etc. I also want that uncertainty for Chris to go away. He has a look on his face every now and then... one that says "when will a job for me come? will I love it?" 

I absolutely know I will miss him tons and the past weeks have been an INCREDIBLE bonding experience for Chris and Brooklyn. It's just been hard be in limbo. I haven't wanted to see or talk with many friends... because it's been embarrassing to have your husband at home and not at work. I hate even admitted that- I don't want to be embarrassed.  I'm proud of Chris for holding out and not just taking anything. I want him to LOVE his job- to be excited. But the most important thing I've learned through all of this: you aren't your job.  I'm not just a mother, I wasn't just a teacher, or artist. Chris is not a career- he's a husband, dad, son and brother. There are so many aspects and facets to our lives sometimes it's so easy to get wrapped up in our career and see that as who we are in life.

I want to look back and have fond memories of this time at home with my husband- and really haven't I been asking for more quality time? :)